Hun Buys An Office Chair
by Makokam
Summary: In which Hun buys an office chair.


_**Mako's Message: **So, this is one of those stories that truly requires an explanation. _

_I wrote this, originally, for shits and giggles in a review of _Mikell_'s( u/1845915/) story _Splintered Hearts_( s/6697098), the fifth in a series starting with _Mikey In Love_( s/5249468). She thought it was hilarious and insisted I post it, and since I like and respect her I am doing so. I've cleaned it up and expanded it a bit of course._

_So, enjoy!_

* * *

It was a relatively slow day at the office supply store. Logan hadn't had anything to do but straighten the store for the last half hour and he'd already reorganized the binder aisle four times that day. He was a minute away from betting that even the manager wouldn't care if he started playing on one of the display computers.

Then HE walked in.

"Holy shit."

He'd seen all sorts walk into that store. Kids, old folks, college students, business executives, beggars, mothers, Buddhist monks, nuns, and people who probably shouldn't have been walking around without an aide and or a translator. He'd even seen a few people as tall as this guy. But _this _guy? He looked like the unholy offspring of Dolph Lundgren and Andre The Giant.

He honestly wouldn't be surprised to find out there was a hyper-alloy combat chassis under that flesh.

But, as his manager liked to say, "People don't come into this store for no reason," it was his job to provide good customer service, and he was bored as hell and this guy looked interesting,

"Hello, Sir! How can I help you today?"

The man squinted down at him and said, "I want a chair. You got chairs here?" The man's voice was all but a growl, and the unbuttoned shirt revealing a wife beater underneath was long sleeved, and even thought it was silk, in this heat long sleeves meant the man was probably hiding something, like gang tats(Not that anybody would ever be able to forget this guy or fail to pick him out of a line up anyway), but he was used to dealing with unsavory types. Like the two or three guys that came in every week to buy a thousand blank DVDs.

Yo ho ho, it's a pirate's life for me.

"Yes Sir! Right this way," Logan replied cheerfully and gestured for the large man to follow him to the back of the store. As they approached the furniture section he started talking, "Our Big&Tall chairs are right over here," he said, walking past three other rows of chairs.

"You calling me fat?"

Logan was glad his back was to the man because there's no way the man wouldn't have taken offense to the expression that crossed his face as he thought, "He can't be serious."

He turned and said, "No Sir! But you are very tall and very big."

The man snorted and started looking at the chairs, patting them down and spinning them around with hands that looked big enough to crush Logan's skull.

He watched and thought as the man examined the chairs, "How much time are you going to be spending in the chair each day?"

"Not much," the man said and sat down in one of the plush chairs. The chair somehow managed to still look too small for him.

"I'm guessing you'd still like it to be comfortable though."

"Duh," the man grunted as he got out of the chair, which squeaked quietly in relief.

Logan rested his chin in his hand and tapped his fingers against the side of his face, "Well, I don't usually show this chair to people, prefer to let people find it on their own, but I think you'll like it."

He turned and started walking further towards the back, "Of course, everybody _likes_ this chair. The only thing people don't like about it is the price."

As he reached a rather large, leather and chrome chair he said, "However, you're in luck. This week it's on sale," he reached out a hand and spun the chair like a ballroom dancer, rotating the chair almost 360 degrees so the man saw the whole chair first and the price tag last, "Eighty dollars off, only $299.99"

The man looked down at the chair through narrowed eyes, but after a moment turned and sat. His eyes went wide, "...I fit."

Logan smiled, "It is a deluxe model. The ultimate in office luxury. The normal chairs in this series are almost as big as the regular Big&Talls. Hell, even the people that don't _need_ it love it." Logan quickly looked the guy over then took a gamble, "Had one guy who sat in it and said it made him feel like an evil villain."

The man smirked. Score.

Rocking back a bit and letting his fingers play over the leather, the man seemed deep in thought for a moment before saying, "I'll take it."

"Excellent! I'd also like to let you know there's a two year protection plan for the chair for only..." Logan reached over, grabbed a nearby pamphlet and flipped it open, "Sixty dollars. So even if you get the plan, you're still saving money on the regular price of the chair."

The man turned and glared at him, then leaned down so his face was inches away from Logan's and jabbed a finger into his chest, pushing him back half a step, "You tryin' ta rip me off?"

For a second Logan thought the man might bite his face off.

He held up his hands, "No sir! It's an excellent plan and really quite a value! It covers all wear and tear to the chair, including the mechanisms and the fabric, even discoloration. Any time in the next two years you decide the chair is holding up the way you'd like, just call the number and we'll get you a new three hundred dollar chair for only the sixty you already paid. One of our managers replaces his home office chair every two years that way." The man raised his eyebrow, "Seriously. Twenty-three months from now, break a wheel off, ship it back to us, at no cost, and we'll get you a new one."

The man stood up and smirked at him, "Sure, why not? But I'm gonna hold you to that..." his eyes flicked to Logan's name tag, "Logan."

Logan grinned, "Excellent!" He crouched down and hoisted one of the boxed chairs up onto his shoulder and said, "Just follow me up to one of the registers."

The man blinked. Then smirked again, "You're pretty strong for a little guy."

Logan's face went flat for a moment. Sure, he was maybe a little below average height for a man, but he wasn't "little". But then, anyone under six five probably seemed little to this guy. He smiled and said, "Well, I do this every day. It's a built in exercise program."

The man laughed. A harsh, booming sound. He suddenly had a feeling his "evil villain" line had hit a little closer to the mark than he'd initially thought.

~Six Months Later~

Logan grumbled to himself as he searched through the piles of laptop bags and cases. It was no surprised they rarely sold any of them. Customers just threw them wherever and mixed them up to the point that even the employees couldn't find the right sizes. Or the ones that actually matched the price tags. "Here, try this one," he said, passing a bag up to his customer.

Over his headset a voice said, "Ah, Logan, there's a...uh, Gentleman here that want's to speak with you about a chair and a protection plan."

Logan stood and dusted off his pants, "I've been summoned. I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes."

As soon as he stepped out the aisle and turned towards the front of the store he stopped, "Oh shit. It's the T-2500."

He walked briskly up to the front of the store, wondering what the problem was. But once he got closer he stopped and his eyes went wide in shock, "Oh my GOD! What happened to it?!"

The chair he'd sold the man months earlier was lying on the floor, in two pieces. Nearly three. The base was bent almost to a ninety degree angle and the back was hanging on by a single, badly bent, screw.

The man growled, "I hit a six foot turtle with it. You gonna replace it?"

Logan was struck dumb, his mouth going silently for a moment before he finally said, "Ah...your plan covers wear and tear from normal use. That...isn't normal use."

The man raised and eyebrow and growled at him, "In this city?"

Logan opened his mouth then closed it and bit his lip, "...fair point. You're actually supposed to call the number in the pamphlet I gave you...but seeing as you're here I'll see what I can do."

Five minutes later, Logan stood at a register with a manager, typing overrides into the computer, a new deluxe Big&Tall office chair sitting in a box on the counter.

Logan looked away from what the manager was doing and up at Dolph Schwarzenegger The Giant, "So, I feel I should point out that your plan only covered THAT chair. Would you like to cover your new chair?"

The man looked down at him and fixed him with an icy glare

Logan allowed himself a swallow, but otherwise remained, outwardly, calm.

The man's glare suddenly turned into a smirk, "Sure, why not? That's a really good chair, survived the first two hits, and this was easier than stealing a new one."


End file.
